We stumble

I know in the blogger world, we are supposed to be perfect.  It's probably much to early in our relationship for me to reveal my weaknesses.

I think having lost the amount of weight I have lost and making the huge changes have given me this false sense of security.  I am far down the road in my journey, but I still have a long way to go.  Physically it might not show, but mentally I still have work.  

Today I was reminded of the fact that at times I am still terrified of this process.   Doing it so publicly only magnifies the terror.  I know my body is stronger than I let it be, but today showed me just how weak my mind is.

I am terrified of doing the back squat. I didn't realize it until I had the bar loaded up and on my shoulders.  The very first rep I bailed.  I dumped the weight the minute I reached the bottom.  We had just begin the wod and I was overcome with fear.  My coach told me to remove a plate on each side.  I did and tried again. Well, "tried" is and exaggeration.  I put it on my shoulders and then right back on the rack again.  I removed another plate. At this point I had on 50% of the prescribed weight. FIFTY PERCENT!  And I know, I know I am not competing with anyone there but my mind has so much control over me that it has created a mental block in front of this ONE exercise.  And I cried.  I'm pretty sure it says somewhere that there is no crying in crossfit but I cried.  I squatted that pathetic weight with tears running down my cheeks.  I hoped that it looked like sweat, this is Florida after all and blazing hot.  For the first time in a long time, I let my mind win.  

If you have never been heavy, it's hard to understand the mindset of someone who is or has been.  Maybe this post sounds weak, but there are those out there who will understand every word and that is why I write this.  I show my scars so hopefully you won't be afraid to accept yours. 

The thing is, many of us have been on this journey a few times around.  Something stops us.  It could be a bad day, a break up, a vacation, and we go back to the way life is.  I'm here to say it doesn't have to be that way.  I had a bad day.  I had a day that reminded me I am mentally weak.  I am afraid of failure.  Life would be easier if I didn't try.  It certainly would be less embarrassing if I weren't crying in a gym some where, feeling completely out of my league.  These days will happen. At no point in your life will you never have these days again.  There will always be those moments that will bring you crashing to your knees.  I cried the whole drive home.  Everything in me wanted to stop at the nearest 7-11 and consume every donut they had.  At times I am still that heavy girl inside who eats away her feelings because it feels better than facing them head on.  I didn't though.  I went home and gave myself today to be upset and to be disappointed with myself.  It's not that we won't ever have these days.  Give yourself that day. What matters is what are you going to do tomorrow?  You get one day and one day only to mope.  It's not a ticket to eat, but a chance to feel what ever you need to feel to get over it.  That is why this time will be different. There are no road blocks.  Walls are not there to stop you.  Walls are there to remind you how badly you want this.  Walls are there for you to climb over, dig under or crash through.  If it does not challenge you, it does not change you.  With out these moments, I will not grow.  To you, it's a back squat.  To me, it's finding that determination to finally silence that voice inside that keeps saying, "I can't."  

I moped, I blogged, I got it off my chest.  Tomorrow I will be back at the gym.  

Incredible Creamy soup...and it's HEALTHY!

Part of my journey to a better life involved finding a new way of cooking.

If you ask my husband, he'll tell you I've always been an awesome cook.  I think I was pretty good, but I relied a lot on canned cream of soups, breading, butter, and everything comfort.  I could whip up a meal that warmed your soul at the moment, but if there were nutritional labels on the things I'd made, you'd leave regretting every single bite.

Then there were the boxes, the packages, the quick meals, the frozen meals.  There were days where we had a big slab of gravied meat and no time for a single side.  Let's not even begin with the snacks provided for the kids in between.

When we decided to get serious and look at what we were really putting in to our bodies, all the junk, the preservatives, the enriched yuck and high fructose corn syrup, I realized my recipe box needed a major overhaul.

The best thing that happened was that when we moved our family from Hawaii to Florida, I left all my cookbooks and recipes behind in the "To be mailed someday" boxes.  I had 10 years of recipes I'd collected, now collecting dust.  I couldn't rely on my old, faithful, comfort recipes to feed my family.  It was the perfect chance for an overhaul.  Lucky for me, Pinterest was born!

The majority of recipes I'll be posting can be traced back to Pinterest.  With all the resources available by the time you push search, eating poorly or eating healthy is a matter of CHOICE!  Gone are the days of doing things the way we always did because there's no one out there to teach us any better.  Want to be Vegetarian?  There's a board for that!  Want to eat Paleo?  There's a board for that! Want to juice for several months?  There's a board for that!!  Take control of your pantry with Pinterest as your guide.

It was my dear friend Pinterest that introduced me to this incredible soup.  In the recipe, it says that this soup is served as is.  Although it is amazing on it's own, one bite of this and your mind will be swimming with all the possiblities that this soup can turn in to!!!  It would be a fabulous base for a creamy potato soup, a broccoli soup, or a leak soup.  Anything that begins with cream of, can be made with this soup, sans the GUILT!!  Don't believe me?  Give it a try.

I had to make modifications based on what was in my pantry, so for the original recipe, visit be sure to visit Blender Girl and check out her other delicious recipes for your vitamix or beloved blender.

Image credit http://healthyblenderrecipes.com/

Creamy Cauliflower Soup

• 8 cups vegetable or chicken broth
• 1 head roasted garlic
• 2-3 leeks, wash and chop the white part
• 1 large head cauliflower, chopped 
• 1/4 cup cashews (raw preferred)  I used cocktail because they happened to be in my pantry
• salt/pepper to taste

Roast the unpeeled garlic in 400 degree oven for 30 minutes and let cool

Saute leeks in a little olive oil about 3 minutes, until soft, in large pot.

Stir in cauliflower and roasted garlic.  Cover with broth, bring to a boil and simmer at medium heat for about 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Let cool slightly and then blend in batches with the cashews until creamy.

Transfer back to pot and salt/pepper to taste.

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One bite sent my taste buds over the moon!  If I didn't know any better, I would swear this soup was made with flour, butter and cream.  I would have happily served it as is.

However, my husband isn't a fan of bisques, or soups that don't have any texture to them, so I knew I needed something else for him.  I threw in a bag of frozen cauliflower and yellow squash that was hanging around my freezer.

My family happily ate it up, my husband packed some up for work the next day and the kids were thrilled to have it again for lunch.  Since they'd eaten most of the veggies that were in it the night before,  I threw in some frozen broccoli and a hand full of cheese and we had delicious cream of broccoli soup for lunch!!

This makes a HUGE batch.  It fed my family of 8 for two meals and every one had at least one bowl a piece.  Enjoy and your welcome!

Love, Mol

What is YOUR awesome?

So, in order to unleash the awesome with in, we first need to define it.  Our definition will be different from yours and that's ok.  Embrace YOUR awesome is the title of this blog.  It's about discovering the best self that lies with in each of us.  Be an individual.  Be AUTHENTIC.  Be your best.

I'm not sure about my sister's intentions with this, but I know what mine are.  For me, my posts will be related to fitness, health, recipes, family, authenticity, connecting with those around me, enjoying who I am, girly things, and who knows what else!

I feel like I'm already pretty far deep in discovering who I am inside.  I went through years of self loathing, depression, and eating.  A LOT of eating.

People who knew me then, wouldn't have seen it then.  But compare me to the person I am today, and the person I was then, it's obvious.  I'm a completely better version of who I was.  I won't say I'm a different person, but I'm a healthier person, a happier person, a more productive person.

I'm still a work in progress, that's for sure.  I believe we all are.  We can always be that better version of who we're meant to be.  I'd love your support along my journey and I'll be there to support you in yours.

Love, Mol

Be Awesome Instead

When I would get down on myself, I used to think of why I wish I wasn't me. 

I'd list everything wrong and everything I wished I wasn't. 

I kept thinking that I needed to find a way to be a different person, to find what I was lacking to be awesome. 

The truth is, greatness has been in me this whole time. 

I was afraid to acknowledge it. 

I ran from it. 

I pushed it so far deep inside and masked it with layers of procrastination, mediocrity, and fat. 

My answer to living a new life wasn't out there, it's been inside the whole time. 

Once I stopped looking at everything I wasn't, and started loving everything I am, my inherent awesome started to claw its way out under all those layers of blah. 

I am capable of more than I use to give myself credit for. 

I am greater than I realize. 

And so are YOU. 

It's time we both start living it. 

It's in there, I promise.

Love,Mol

PILOT

Ok, we're doing this, right sis??  RIGHT?!  yes.  The answer has got to be yes.  Who are we?  We are Mindy and Molly (that's me!), two sisters who have decided it's time to unleash that inner awesome that has been dying to get out.  Who are we to stand in it's way and deny the world of the greatness that lies within?  The thing is, this greatness, this "Awesome", it's not just in us.  Oh no, it's in YOU too.  All of you, all of us! We've all got it, but most of us have been hiding it.  It's deep down in there, buried under insecurities, self doubt, maybe hidden under a few extra lbs.  This is our time to let it shine.  This blog is about two sisters discovering ways to unleash our awesome and we are about to embark on our amazing Journey!  Wanna join?

Love, Mol